(This was originally written January 2024).
Nine years ago, I woke up with one deflated boob. Nine years and 10 months before that, I had plastic surgery for saline breast implants. Because of the deflated one, I opted to have surgery again. This time the pockets were filled with silicone bags. I struggled with the decision to go through it again, but everything I read about removal was scary and ugly. So I had a second breast implant surgery. Voluntarily.
How it started: After having my second baby, I had lots of loose skin where boobs should be. Nothing fit. I didn't feel sexy. I made the decision to have an elective surgery I swore I would never do. In fact, I judged other women who did it. (Not proud of that confession). I had my baby in August 2004, met with a surgeon that December and had implants by March 2005. (The fact that I was making these decisions postpartum is wrong on so many levels. Counseling should have definitely been a part of this process). By January 2015 I did it again.
Life went on for the next 8 years. I was healthy. Things were fine. Until I had to have a breast biopsy in January 2022 because a mass they were following had grown. Thankfully, it was benign, but it was enough to get me thinking about what was in my body. Plastic bags filled with silicone. Chances were I would have to have them replaced again at some point in my life. I didn't want that. And they got in the way. They were too big. I was no longer comfortable in my own skin. I wasn't me. I was over them. By May 2022, days before my daughter's college graduation, I had them removed. Instantly I felt better. Even when I was able to remove the bandage and I looked like the bride of Frankenstein, I felt better. (Scars run all the way beneath my breast, up and around the nipple. They have faded, but still there. I will take them).
Some women have experienced illness from implants. I didn't. However, I feel freer, leaner, and healthier now that they are gone. In a strange way, I feel sexier. I feel sexier because I am me again. I am more comfortable in my own skin at almost 51 than I have ever been.
With all this said... I don't regret having them. I went through years of liking the way I looked with them. I place no judgement on anyone who has them or wants them. I have friends who have opted to have them removed, opted to get them, or had reconstructive surgery after cancer - choosing to get them or not. And they are all beautiful, sexy, amazing women.
So much judgement is placed on mammaries. Fore hell's sake. It's ridiculous isn't it?! I have wanted to share this story for a long time, but was too afraid of being judged. I didn't want to be vulnerable. (That is a very scary thing)! But I am grateful for my friend who shared her explant experience with me... making me brave enough to do it. Hopefully, I can do the same for someone else.
xoxo, mindy
(photo Nov 2022 by Desert Fern Photos)
